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Q. What do you think of placing an ad in the personals? I live in a small town and it’s tough to meet any quality men?
A. Nothing wrong with placing an ad, if you combine it with other dating strategies. I know several women and men who get seduced by the idea of sitting in front of a computer and picking and choosing, and in time, that’s all they rely on. It is easy to start imbuing a picture and profile, even a voice, with all sorts of qualities that may or may not be true. My advice is to set up a meeting sooner rather than later (in a neutral location, of course).
But this shouldn’t be the only way you look for a suitable relationship. My friend lives in a small town of 1700 people; by her estimate there are about 15 eligible guys in her area. When I suggested to her that all she needed is one, she pulled herself away from her PC a few nights a month and got out there. After either dating or ruling out on sight the local pickin’s, she expanded her radius. Each month she made a point of doing one activity out of the ordinary like attending a concert, 50 miles away, traveling to a nearby city for a baseball game (she’s a diehard Chicago Cubs fan), and so on. She would brown bag her lunches to come up with the extra cash for these excursions and sometimes she’d do it with another girlfriend. Basically these were all things she enjoyed, so whether she met anyone or not, she was having fun. At one game, in Spring 2004, there was an avid Met fan a few rows in front of her (age appropriate, cute, with no female by his side); when his buddies left for some beers, she quickly went down the stairs, as if she were using the restroom, and on her way back up, took the opportunity to chat up this lone cutie who was dissing her team. She chided him for rooting for the Mets—he teased back, and after plenty of lighthearted banter, he revealed he was from NY and in Chicago on business. There was some mutual energy so during pitching changes, they found a way to continue their chats, and they each learned the other was unattached (he was recently divorced and a custodial father). They exchanged cards, stayed in touch and she is now a proud Mom to his two little boys in Westchester (New York) and pregnant with the next rabid Cub fan.
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Story #6, page 11 of Grab Your Tiger
by Katy Leach, Winter Park, Florida
Ryan was a guy that I met after a serious breakup. He was my “guy’s view.”
He was living in Orlando and I was at school in Tallahassee. I couldn’t see us “dating” since we had the long distance between us. We continued to talk, and I had a feeling that he wanted more from our relationship, but I still was wary of the distance.
Then one day, a package arrived from Ryan. It was a ring he saw that “reminded him of me.” I turned to my best friend Jessica and said, “I think I like Ryan. No... I know I do.” We decided to make a “road trip” to Orlando for the weekend and I would open my heart to Ryan and tell him how I felt.
When Jessica and I arrived in Orlando, we met Ryan at his apartment with another friend of ours, Amanda. He and Amanda were going to a wedding that evening, and then we would meet them downtown. I had “the perfect outfit;” the one that would make Ryan fall head over heels for me. When we got ready, I took my time, making sure my hair was perfect and my make-up, flawless. It was going to be a night we would never forget.
Needless to say, it was.
When Jessica and I arrived downtown, we met Ryan and Amanda at the bar. As we walked in, Ryan grabbed my hand. I turned to Jessica with a huge grin on my face. It was happening! We found some seats and ordered drinks. Ryan and I began talking; Jessica and Amanda started their own conversation.
Ryan turned to me and said, “There’s something that I need to talk to you about....”
Oh! My! Goodness!
He is going to tell me what I drove down to tell him! My face beamed!
“...when I was in Chicago, I met someone...” My face dropped. “What?” He told me her name and some other things, but I didn’t hear a word. My bottom lip began to quiver. I saw Jessica looking at me and her face was the same; Amanda had just told her what I knew.
She mouthed, “I’m so sorry.” Ryan got up.
I didn’t know what to do or say. But I knew how I needed to feel, and I wanted to feel numb. We ordered shots. Several shots. I pretended like it didn’t bother me. I was fine! We made our way to another bar and some guy started to talk to me. I couldn’t tell you what he looked like or what he said to me. All I know is that Ryan was watching me from across the room. I turned to my mystery man, said “You’ll do” and kissed him. I knew Ryan saw, and I knew it hurt him. He left the bar and headed home.
We hailed a cab and made our way back to Ryan’s apartment. When the taxi arrived, we didn’t have enough money so I walked up to Ryan’s front door, rang the doorbell, and when he answered, I announced “There’s a cab outside that needs to be paid” and walked in. He went out and paid the driver. When he returned, he said that Jessica and I could have his bed, and he would sleep on the couch. Fine with me.
But, as I lay in his bed, it wasn’t fine. This was not how it was supposed to happen. This was not why I drove 250 miles down here. It was not going to end like this.
I walked into the living room and said “We need to talk.”
And we did...for hours and hours. I cried and told him how I felt. He cried and told me how he felt. He said that he always liked me, but never thought that he’d have me. He figured that it was going to be that way.
I told him that it didn’t have to be—that we could pretend that the night never happened.
I fell asleep in his arms that night, and when we awoke, I looked up at him and asked, “Well?” He kissed me, and that was the answer I needed.
Ryan and I were engaged a year later and married a year after that.
We are about to celebrate our two year wedding anniversary.
We still talk about “the night that never happened.”
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 How 110 Women Made the First Move to Capture
the Men of their Dreams
A 256-page book filled with the true stories of women in their teens, 20's, 30's, 40's who made the FIRST MOVE and are now in committed relationships with wonderful guys.
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1. Men find confident, assertive women a turn on. An online poll of nearly 10,000 males revealed that 93% would love to have a female approach them first!
2. There's an untapped universe of awesome men, too shy to approach you first. Many are simply terrified of rejection. Haven't you had enough of the glib lotharios who make the rounds? How about going for an unpolished gem who has all the important qualities you seek in a man—minus the need to schmooze every female he sees?
3. Men are clueless. You may think you’re giving off “I like you” vibes, but most men need more. Just smile or stare and he’ll think his fly is open. According to Dr. Monica Moore, a man needs to receive approximately 8 flirtation gestures from you before he surmises that you’re interested.
4. Chances are you'll you want an equal voice in the relationship, so why not start out as an equal and take responsibility for your own romantic fate? Why is it still the man's job to initiate, when women have achieved parity in everything else?
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